what didn't happen Author's Note: Also known as 'August Fai's Self-Introduction to RyoDa.' Because it is. :D i. Ueda likes to think that he was the right one the first time, and that he could have prevented everything that happened, if he'd been more sober (because no matter what Taguchi had said the day before in the bathroom at the bar he was not a fucking lightweight, okay, thanks very much, and could hold more than Kame's skinny ass ever could) and had, maybe, a girlfriend. He'd even told Nishikido that he had a girlfriend. It wasn't true, of course. "Nishikido," he'd mumbled, eyes slightly out of focus and getting even dizzier off the traffic lights and the motorcycles and the neon signs, "you're um, in my way." And Ryo had looked at him. "Ueda," Ryo said, sounding rather pleased. "Are you drunk?" "Nnn-mm," Ueda had sighed. And after that, he can't really remember anything. ii. "Hey, fatty," calls Ryo the next day. "Can you tell Princess that I still have her belt at my house, and she owes me for the hangover pills? I've run out." The staff room goes eerily quiet, and then Jin knocks over his can of coffee with both hands. iii. "None of that happened, though," is what Ueda recalls telling the rest of KAT-TUN later, when they are supposed to be discussing costumes for the next performance and solo choices (but of course, like any group of teenage girls, their talk reverts almost automatically to who did who drunk yesterday). "Stop lying," Jin wails, bug-eyed (which isn't exactly logical, but Ueda doesn't doubt the extent of what Jin can do with his face). "That's not what Ryo-who-told-Yamapi said!" "Wait, so, Yamapi told you, or Ryo told you?" Junno questions squintily. Koki kicks him. "Shut up! We're trying to have a serious conversation." Ueda sighs loudly and rubs his forehead. "I don't remember what happened, actually." "You were drunk, though," Kame says, calmly and professionally. "So it probably did happen." "YEAH!" Jin cries, banging his energy drink on the table (Yamapi bought him a new one after he'd wasted the coffee). "You see! UEDA, YOU DID HAVE SEX WITH--" iv. This time, Ueda's completely sober, but a little angry. "Ooh, someone's having a bad hair day," Ryo smirks. He does not seem to realize he is being driven into the corner of a wall--or he does know it, and is enjoying it immensely. "Do you want me to fix it for you, Princess? We can go to my house, and you can take your belt back. It smells kind of funny." Leather smells like leather, Ueda wants to say, but instead he finds himself leaning forward roughly and biting Ryo's lips, making the other cringe. This little reaction sends a little thrill through Ueda, who takes a hold of Ryo's belt loops to bring their hips together. "I don't," he mutters, sucking the small injury gently, "want my belt back." He works both of Ryo's legs in between his own so that he's pinned there, underneath Ueda, who feels triumphant and actually kind of turned on, which is odd since he's not drunk. "And you can't do hair for shit." "I fucking hate you, Princess, and your little--" begins Ryo, but Ueda bites his neck, and neither of them have anything to say anymore. v. Yamapi gets a text in the middle of practice. RAN INTO DOORKNOB APPLYING FIRST AID IF YOU ASK ME IF I'M LYING YOU CAN GO DIE - Ryo ("I used that doorknob excuse in the ninth grade! You'd think, for Ryo-chan, he'd be a little more up to par," Jin sniffs later. "I'm a little disappointed in him." "You can't be, though. He scored. That's an oxymoron," Yamapi says, poking Jin in the stomach. "Fat Jin." Grinning, Jin rubs his stomach. "What do you think Ryo-chan calls Uebo?") back